No matter how much time you spend to get to know the people around you, declaring them friends, no matter how much care you put into building that relationship and nurturing; every once and a while you will slip through a toxic person in your life.
Toxic people do not wear a scarlet letter and do not come with a big announcement “Hey watch out I am toxic” actually they can be very charming.
One thing certain is that sooner or later you will figure it out yourself, hopefully you will be able to do that before it gets to hurt you or hurt someone or something that you love and cherish
Though it is not an absolute science there are always signs, signs are always there; either we chose to see them or acknowledge them or not, is a choice. We have a responsibility of the company we keep; we can’t complain later on and say “look what they have done to me”, no one does anything to us without our permission.
Keeping toxic people around you is never a good thing, you are inviting toxicity in your life intentionally or unintentionally. These are some of the traits that we need to watch for, especially that they are a pattern and not a onetime behavior.
1- Being condescending and demeaning to others
Especially to people who can’t or might not be in a position to fight back like waiters, customer service representatives etc… Toxic people feel qualified (even if they have nothing to show for) to belittle others, judge them so they can appear as a better person by making others feel small and worthless. They are bullies, will push only the weaker ones, shying away from the powerful ones
2- “Victim Syndrome”
There is always a reason why they do not achieve anything, they never had an opportunity, they don’t have time or money, or they do not have the proper connections. There is always something or someone to blame for their failure, never holding themselves accountable for anything they do. Victim mentality syndrome
3- Other people around you try to avoid them:
You start feeling that other people around you (spouse. family, friends) will always have a reason why they can’t get together when that person is around. They might have noticed the toxicity before you did. Everyone around you tries to warn you, but you still insist on having them around
4- They talk bad about everyone around them
Even though you have seen them praise some people in their faces, they shred them apart when they are not present. Just know that this is a pattern, and if they do this to others they will do it to you too
5- The sun never rises
They catastrophize everything. Everything is doom and gloom, the sun never comes out. Nothing ever goes right, or will ever go right ever.
6- Misery loves company
They fail to see beauty in anything, they chose to live in darkness. They are miserable and misery loves company. They have never been truly happy and they won’t rest till everyone around them is unhappy as well
7- Always negative
They see no possible way for anyone to make their dreams come true including themselves, so they find all the negative reasons why you can’t do what you want to do
8- They do not forget and will never forgive
They carry grudges that eventually will become heavier every day and keep regurgitating them in everything they do all day long
9- They feel they are the Center of the universe
No matter what discussion you are having with them, it ends being about them. They know it all, they tell rather than waiting to be asked. Even when you share a personal issue, it ends up about them going through something similar or bigger than what you are going through
10- They feel entitled
Never grateful, feel entitled for everything and anything without even the smallest effort on their part.
11- The “I am king/ Queen” Syndrome
They have a need to control everything, have an opinion about everything, even about what is good for you. They need to be in control at all times and might be self-righteous.
12- They suck your energy
They suck the energy out of you, they whine and whine no matter how many brakes they get in their lives. They need your attention 24/7; they leave you exhausted after a while.
13- They think they are ”Perfection”
Let us start by saying there is nothing called perfection, no one is ever perfect, and nothing is ever perfect and it is fine. We can thrive to excellence
14- It has always been done that way
They are set in their own ways, nothing you can say or do can change their minds. They have a belief that their destiny is pre-determined
15- They are always right
No matter how big or small the topic, they do not allow space for different opinions and turns a discussion into a debate that must be won at all times and at any cost
So what do you think? Any more traits you have observed? Please share how you have dealt with them
Till next time!